Friday, August 12, 2011
Late nights, wandering around aimlessly on the web, awaiting for something to pique my interest. No, not that interest...dirty you. I feel like I might as well be standing with my thumb out on the side of the superhighway.
When I am in that state, I am most vulnerable. Vulnerable yes, but also impatient. I want my information ready for me at the drop of a click, in a manner in which I can easily digest. No long upload times, no confusing websites. Having said that, it amazes me that in 2011 people still put out shit websites. You are the hunter and I am the hunted. Your bait has got to be better than that!
Your website cannot be as useless as THE TAN CAN.
Yes, that is a tanning coffin. WTH??
Since I write another blog about the hospitality industry, I thought it would be great to use a wine vendor site as my first example.
FIrst of all, kudos for trying to be hip and artistic, but I really don't wanna play "Where's Waldo by having to hover over stuff to find the live links. Most importantly, WHY?!!! OH WHY??!!! would you force anyone to scroll horizontally??!!
That warrants a
So what goes with a good glass a wine? Some pampering, I say! Thus bringing us to our next site. www.serene-naturist.com
This site is full of all kinds of ridiculous stuff. It's like a teenage myspace page gone bad with the glitter, butterflies, cheesy music, swans, mad blue background, growing flowers, scrolling words, multiple fonts, poor transitions and littered with crap images. They do, however, have a back shot of a nude women laying on her side. Does she work there? Maybe not to shabby after all;)
Now, I would just like to talk about some sites based on product/services offered. I can't help myself. Hehe!
Are your pets embarrassed about being neutered? Their four-legged friends need never know, thanks to Neuticles--implants that restore the look of their recently removed body parts. Yes, these cosmetic cojones are no joke; prices start at $73 a pair.
Not to be confused with BumperNuts, which provide a similar service for your car.
Sadly, this is exactly what it says it is. Think Priceline for face-lifts and tummy tucks. No, I am not joking.
Honorable mention on content alone: www.inmatesforyou.com (Don't judge me! Inmates need love too)
In 2011, we have access to all kinds of wonderful technology and information. Children are computer savvy and have learned to record themselves, create short films, blog, edit etc. There are tutorials on pretty much anything on Youtube or HowTo.com. So when I am surfing the internet and stumble upon websites that don't give me what I need, when I need it...I simply let the next one pick me up and hope to reach a more desired destination.
I'm totally cool with having my thumb up, but I'm not gonna show a little leg just to get there.
See ya around!
Posted by soulofjaz at 10:53 PM
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Speaking of technology, let's talk about "that" person. You know who they are.
2. Tell them someone has died
3. I'm going to be late for work or not coming in
4. Boss: "ur not @ work. i see you right now"
5. You are fired.
6. I'm divorcing you.
7. I am pregnant
8. It's not mine
9. I'm in love with you
10. I really enjoyed "last night."
lol. Seriously though, besides being a straight punk...what is it that makes people feel like this is acceptable?
Because you can actually think about what you're going to say? Hand craft the perfect excuse, lie or truth without immediate consequence? Hand them a telephone, and they will say something stupid into it. Hand them a telephone with someone they like on the other end, and they will say something really stupid? With a text, you can plan, and yes, even revise.
Are phone calls just painfully awkward?
Even if you have perfect elocution, a great speaking voice, and fantastic oratorical skills, factors such as poor cell-phone reception or other interruptions (another call, an ambulance driving by, a barking dog) can lead to uncomfortable interruptions. There's nothing worse than speaking to someone on the phone for the first time and having to continually say "Wait--what? Sorry, can you hear me? Wait, hold on, walking by construction site..." over and over.
If the these things are an issue...THEN WAIT!Is it because you think a good text message will say a lot about a you? A perfect text message requires wit, brevity, and flirtation. A good texter is smart, sharp, and good with words. I am still working on the brevity. Additionally, someone who uses unnecessary text abbreviations, or, god help them, emoticons is immediately ruled out as a potential anything.
Maybe, because texting can be great foreplay? It's a prolonged flirtation that can span the course of the week or day leading up to a date. You better live up to the standards you have put forth buddy if you think there is nothing sexy about a perfunctory "let's set up a date" call. Sure, a text is "to the point", and on a purely utilitarian level more efficient than calling when it comes to making plans. But are you really looking for "efficiency" in your dating life? The auditory satisfaction one gets from another asking for their time is attractive.
Perhaps, you are you too shy and a text lets you write what you're too shy to say. Sometimes, especially during the early stages of dating, it can be hard to straight out say the things you're feeling, especially if you're unsure of how it will be reciprocated. A "You looked beautiful last night" or "I had an amazing time with you" the next morning is a safe (and always appreciated!) way of doing this. Safe is boring!! Take a risk! Grow some cojones!! (Balls;P )
Remember, a text is forever and that goes both ways. I can get an excellently crafted text and I will save that thing forever. Just the same if I get a messed up text (argument) I can keep it and bring up "the proof" ;)
At least there are no phone transcripts and you can always say, "I didn't say that. You must have misunderstood." lol
So, yes pick up the phone, but call - instead. If you have something really messed up to say, be prepared to be hung up on. lol
Posted by soulofjaz at 9:22 PM
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Our world is saturated with telecommunication. I knew this when my mother, who I thought would escape unscathed from this hostile takeover, sent me a text message. Then shortly after that, my daughter hit me up from her smart phone and began keepingin contact with her friends on gmail!
Posted by soulofjaz at 1:17 AM